Dr. Ron Wolfson, professor of Education at the American Jewish University and a major thinker at Synagogue 3000 has written a book about how synagogues can and should be more welcoming. [The Spirituality of Welcoming; Jewish Lights Press] I believe that every Rabbi, Synagogue Administrator and Membership Vice President should have this book and read it often. Dr. Wolfson does not break any new ground, but his method of visiting any place that has a successful membership culture and seeing what they are doing and asking why we can't do it, cannot be overlooked as we try to attract those who rarely if ever cross our doorsteps. Much of what I will have to say is affirmed and informed by his research.
A Welcoming Culture – Changing the Way Members Think
It is not an accident that Walmart, the large retailer has, as its signature position, the greeter who stands at the door of the store and has the duty to say to every customer “Welcome to Walmart”. The reason that this person is there is because people come back to the store that they remember as being welcoming and friendly. Churches and Synagogues are no different. Those who walk in the door will remember forever their first experience, for good or for bad.
You don't have to take my word for it. Just ask any of the involved members of your congregation why they chose your synagogue to join (assuming that yours is not the only synagogue in the area). Virtually every time, they will say that when they arrived, somebody met them, greeted them and made them feel welcome. I used to tell my congregation that if somebody came to our service, sat in a seat, had a cup of coffee and a piece of cake after the service and left the building and nobody said “hello” to them, greeted them or asked their name, they would never be back and we didn't deserve to have them join. I usually end services by asking those who are new to take a few moments to join us at the Kiddush after the service so we will get the chance to greet them. There is no reason that someone new in the service should have to be a stranger twice. Just asking a few questions to begin a conversation with a visitor can make a huge difference. Since my members come from all over the United States, when I meet someone new, I always ask where they are from, and then attempt to connect them with the “landsmen” from that town. It always leads to a bit of “Jewish Geography” and often is the beginning of real friendships.
I am not in favor of asking visitors to wear something to identify themselves. It is better, I believe, to have members identify themselves. One suggestion is to give your members a lapel pin so strangers will know who they can ask for more information. Welcoming guests should be made a part of our synagogue culture. ( I heard of a congregation in Ohio that had name badges made for every member of the synagogue to wear while they were at services, so that visitors would have an easier time getting to know the members' names.) There should be greeters at the front door of the synagogue just to say Shalom to all those entering. At the door of the sanctuary, there needs to be ushers who will help visitors find a tallit, whatever Siddurim/Humashim they will need and assist them to find seats.
It is “the Kiss of Death” for a congregation when members say to a visitor “you're sitting in my seat”, or when, at the kiddush, someone says, “that is our 'reserved' table”. As Clergy and synagogue leadership we need to teach our members to be welcoming and friendly. (I only allowed one exception. There was in one congregation a 100 year old man who sat in the same seat for over 30 years and regularly chased away anyone who dared to sit there. The kind people who sat around him often spoke to visitors, asking the visitor to join them in a different seat, that, after all, you have to be a bit more patient when someone is over 100!). Members need to know that strangers should be invited to join them, not shoo them away, so they can learn more about the service. Saying “Come sit with me” is much better than, “You can't sit here”. I don't want to spend more time on this but it is the number one complaint that visitors have when they come to a shul for the first time. Hasidic literature is filled with stories of how the prophet of miracles, Elijah, was turned away by uncaring and unkind Jews. Dr. Wolfson tells how he arrived early to services and was asked to move out of a seat when he was there as the Scholar in Residence; there were no more than a dozen people in a sanctuary that seated 700! We need to treat our visitors as honored guests if we hope to have them become a part of our community.
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